i don't remember from where I heard this sentence " love thy neighbour". And trust me, for the first time i liked the idea, but as i started growing up and my mind started understanding the things happening around me, i couldn't stop myself disliking this idea. It all started from kashmir, i was kid at that time and my home was almost 2000 miles away from the field of action and it hardly affected me that much because I was not that enough grown up to understand it . But slowly and eventually the fire started spreading across and before anyone could even realize the whole noth east India started burning down. I still remember the day. I was in standard 4th or 5th and classes used to get over by 11:30 in the morning. Like the other days it was an usuall walk towards my home, when I saw few army vehicles rushing towards the biggest hospital in the city. There was a chaos every where. I could not understand at the first place what was happening. i asked few people stading ther and they told me there was shoot out and army were taking the injured jawan. Next day I cam to know out of 5 only 3 could survive the attack. you knoe everyone of us is having an idea in the mind that this terrorism can never affect me, but i guess the events happening from the past couple of years, the incidents has proven each of us so very wrong. My family, my parents live in west bengal, i stay at bangalore and untill coupe of days back my sister was staying at ahemdabad. It the day of the blast at bangalore and all the phone lines were jammed and finally after agonising 3 or 4 hours I could talk to my parents and the next day there were blasts at ahemdabad. I think I don't need to mention the mental state my parents has gone thru in those two days.Now this incident in Mumbai, ten man killing 200 and the guy cought is hardly having any remorse. Our neighbour, denying each and evrything, calling this fellow stateless. A country which more then 60 govenrnment in the last sixty years is more interested in the betterment of the muslims in India rather minding the fate of her own people. I don't know whether it is the agony with in me or the sheer helpless ness which is making me write this one out. But what ever it is things are not right. I cannot blame any of my neighbours, they will always try to infiltrate but what was my democratically elected government doing. If I am not ready to pay taxes my finance minister is coming up with fundas convincing me why should I be paying the takes and just look around me, I have police which still uses the guns my grandfather used to use. I have minister who is more keen on building the statues rather improving the road near that status. truely speaking the problem is within us because government is not somthing in person, evryone of us is the part of the system. I, me and you evryone is the part of the system. When we have the right to elect the right person to the parliament or even become leader, we don't do this, we the so called emerging Indians are more interested in hanging out at Mac Donalds rather going to the poll booth and vote. Then trust me none of us have the right to say anything to anyone. It was the crop we cultivated and now we wre harvesting it. unless we change, nothing is evr going to change....
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Couple of days back , for the first time in my life I clicked a pic using an SLR and after listening the talks from Satya bhai, i really got tempted to get one. And eventually the temptation made me to buy one the day before yesterday. The same night i clicked some nerdy pics and in the same night in dreams i was dreaming doing a photoshoot for lingere model. How exciting no.....
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yesterday I have seen few photograps in orkut, practically in someones album and could stop for a mont to save them. i know it is not right but could not stop myself doing that. At leats I deserve to keep an image formed out of million pixels assembled together with some line drawing algorithm created by nerd, which atleast gives nourishment to my feelings at times. Or may be reenergise my feelings. You know lately I have been thinking that, this idea of feelings or say love is more active and more beautiful as long as it is not fulfilled. An unfullfilled dream, and unfulfilled project , and unfullfiled building and even and unfulfilled love story is always romantic.
Coming back to main point, actually you can get a breif idea about this post in ine of my last post. don't ask me which one otherwise where is the fun. I was waiting for so many days to see how she looks now and when have seen her pics yesterday i can say she has not changed a little bit. Atleast in looks and rest of the things trust me i never got a chance to figure out how it was, so that i can dertermine how it is. she looks the same , beautiful and lovely. now thats a limit I am sounding like the Andrea of Leo tolstoy's War and peace, who is basically her favourite writer. Truely speaking I really find leo tolstoy boring , its so difficult to remember the names you see. But I was watching the movie made in 1956 today and I find find it really good. Atleast Audrea hepburn was good. I don't know aht i am writing, i stop it here for the moment. You no bolgs a meant for that only wite what ever you feel like
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Coming back to main point, actually you can get a breif idea about this post in ine of my last post. don't ask me which one otherwise where is the fun. I was waiting for so many days to see how she looks now and when have seen her pics yesterday i can say she has not changed a little bit. Atleast in looks and rest of the things trust me i never got a chance to figure out how it was, so that i can dertermine how it is. she looks the same , beautiful and lovely. now thats a limit I am sounding like the Andrea of Leo tolstoy's War and peace, who is basically her favourite writer. Truely speaking I really find leo tolstoy boring , its so difficult to remember the names you see. But I was watching the movie made in 1956 today and I find find it really good. Atleast Audrea hepburn was good. I don't know aht i am writing, i stop it here for the moment. You no bolgs a meant for that only wite what ever you feel like
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You can call it a nonsense.
A feeling for you rotting somewhere in my heart
Forcing me evreyday to shout out loud.
Waking me each night from deepest of my sleep
Reminding me the face which I have seen only few times.
The reason I tried to dig out somany times.
Not even a fraction of conversation
Our eyes never met for a single second.
It was me who kept on lookning at your eyes.
I believe it was me only who had seen the sky go purple.
Life kept on revolving, rolling me here and there.
Mosses did gather at times, but was always unable to stop it from shining bright.
A single message to you and waiting day and night to read a reply.
lokking at your picture for hours, hoping somthing will go good.
Your eyes, make me go mad at times
The hairs , i wish I could sleep underneath.
The lips , my lips could touch once.
Your hands, wish I could hold them for life time.
All the years and all the nights, In different dreams I have seen you.
Each night you have waked me up,
I fooled myself as if I am looking at you.
Far away from reality, my dreams want to live in the world of dreams.
Where I could see you all the time
Or could hold you for a moment.
In the season of sand storms, I have written your names on the sand.
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Forcing me evreyday to shout out loud.
Waking me each night from deepest of my sleep
Reminding me the face which I have seen only few times.
The reason I tried to dig out somany times.
Not even a fraction of conversation
Our eyes never met for a single second.
It was me who kept on lookning at your eyes.
I believe it was me only who had seen the sky go purple.
Life kept on revolving, rolling me here and there.
Mosses did gather at times, but was always unable to stop it from shining bright.
A single message to you and waiting day and night to read a reply.
lokking at your picture for hours, hoping somthing will go good.
Your eyes, make me go mad at times
The hairs , i wish I could sleep underneath.
The lips , my lips could touch once.
Your hands, wish I could hold them for life time.
All the years and all the nights, In different dreams I have seen you.
Each night you have waked me up,
I fooled myself as if I am looking at you.
Far away from reality, my dreams want to live in the world of dreams.
Where I could see you all the time
Or could hold you for a moment.
In the season of sand storms, I have written your names on the sand.
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I really can't figure out what the title should be for this one.
you know sometimes we run after somthing, which is non exsistant, which may be there somewhere and we know neither we would be able to go near it or achieve it. To be honest, somthing like this has been happening with me from quite a long time. its nothing ,and truely if you ask me i will say for a practical and rational mind, such kind of things should not be bother. it quite an old incident or to be honest, its about some whom i had met. name place, and the date is quite irrelevent, but the incident is around three and half year old. you know somtimes it happens that, may be some one is there, who has not done anything exceptional but a single trait might leave an everlasting impression. like a flash of the light you meet her, the whole thing was confined in mere hi and hello, or may be somthing less then that also. you might have looked at her with all the attention and in detail and she might not have realized the slightest bit of it. now you come back home, years passes by, and even thinking about it eats up the moments of your life. materialistic and the rational world, which unfortunately we create with our own hand, commands you not to look back at those, but that slightest glimpse keeps on coming back to your mind.
lying in the bed at midnight, orkut is exhausted giving you entertainment, its that face that keeps on jumping all around your mind. And in such case what else one can other then writing these nonsense n the blog. I mean it has been happening not from past couple of days, but infact from the last three years. it was nothing and to be honest never even tried anything so that any pebble could have moved forward. And absolutely there is no way i can blame her. but yes i have been think about her and after coming here at london, don't is the blood circulation or the cold is the reason, but i have started think more about her. May be i will never get a chance to speak or meet her inperson again, and not surprisingly she might having some one inlife, but this will be the face which as per the current situation i would never be able to forget. You know at times i wonder, is it really the person who impresses you or its the way u look at that person or it somthing which is completely unexplainable. And this fact also remains there that,no one us, none is interested to know the reason, because what ever it may be, those thoughts and though painfull sometimes those dreams give you immense pleasure, whcih you find it very hard to find else where. Rabindranath Tagore has once written in one his peom which translates somthing like this "whish is that wind that touched my mind and blew away". Well tagore was lucky in his case, fortunately it blew away and but it has always been there with me and it will be....
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lying in the bed at midnight, orkut is exhausted giving you entertainment, its that face that keeps on jumping all around your mind. And in such case what else one can other then writing these nonsense n the blog. I mean it has been happening not from past couple of days, but infact from the last three years. it was nothing and to be honest never even tried anything so that any pebble could have moved forward. And absolutely there is no way i can blame her. but yes i have been think about her and after coming here at london, don't is the blood circulation or the cold is the reason, but i have started think more about her. May be i will never get a chance to speak or meet her inperson again, and not surprisingly she might having some one inlife, but this will be the face which as per the current situation i would never be able to forget. You know at times i wonder, is it really the person who impresses you or its the way u look at that person or it somthing which is completely unexplainable. And this fact also remains there that,no one us, none is interested to know the reason, because what ever it may be, those thoughts and though painfull sometimes those dreams give you immense pleasure, whcih you find it very hard to find else where. Rabindranath Tagore has once written in one his peom which translates somthing like this "whish is that wind that touched my mind and blew away". Well tagore was lucky in his case, fortunately it blew away and but it has always been there with me and it will be....
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Nostalgia
it Saturday evening and the idiot box seemed to boring to me and thanks to my roo mates was not able to listen to music also. Just all of a sudden thought of watching the old videos lying some where in the remotest corner of my cd wallet. Infact i was very much skeptical about the availabilty of those but luckily got them. Started playing one clip after the other. i last watched them almost two years back and believe me i lauged for hours after watching them. I guess the idea of watching those came in my mind after seeing the word nostagia, written somewhere. A word in its own , but holding an age within itself , an age a time precious of all you have. You know it will be painfull remembering those but again and again you want to see those moments. All you wish at that point of time , if life had a rewind button, leave apart the unfinished or the wrongs I have done, atleast if I could relive those moments again. A worryless and a life closest to the innocence. Ages of idleness and wishing that it should continue like that. I think its only this nostalgia that may sound like a fiction but so much true in life.
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i looked at u....
your eyes, the abode of somany secrets,
the ever lasting ones,
i amwondering what they are searching for, is it me,
a whole worl residing insode them,and all you u wish for them in it
and henestly i want to be prt of it.
i always wondered whether ever and photograph could ver be so beautiful
and today i agree its can be.
your smile speaking so many words
and asking me to come near you
and touch thode lips once and only once.
a face, i can spend rest of my looking at desiring inly one look from u.
the hairs where i want to see my days turning into night and spending those making love to u.
oh! god is it dream or im looking at somthing which is realy true.
its only the factor of the time that u can't be mine
but its a wish i must convey to you.
can you ever be mine.
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the ever lasting ones,
i amwondering what they are searching for, is it me,
a whole worl residing insode them,and all you u wish for them in it
and henestly i want to be prt of it.
i always wondered whether ever and photograph could ver be so beautiful
and today i agree its can be.
your smile speaking so many words
and asking me to come near you
and touch thode lips once and only once.
a face, i can spend rest of my looking at desiring inly one look from u.
the hairs where i want to see my days turning into night and spending those making love to u.
oh! god is it dream or im looking at somthing which is realy true.
its only the factor of the time that u can't be mine
but its a wish i must convey to you.
can you ever be mine.
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today we have decided, that we are going to buy a house. price is not that easy but its quite gettable. so thought lets go for it, no matter how much its going to take. i am bit scared but i know i wud be able to cope this one up. so atlasr i see that after a long hault finally we are going to have our own house. And i know this one is for ever.
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Only wish if it is bad dream.
shied out, my nights cried out
loud to the core, deep with in the darkness
My heart is heavy, ready to fall apart.
couldn't finsh the things i had started
now killing my moments in agony.
roses and thorns, and the oozing blood
you face vanisihing in the mist
and i could not hold my breathe any longer
and my misery growing even more stronger.
the burning fields and the angels laughing at me
I have lost my god ages ago
those last drops of water has dried long back
i am left with miles to plough.
hills are barren and my fields are thirsty
curses are blowing in the wind
heat of the sun is burning me apart
it was last in my dreams when i saw snow.
Everest has lost its white shawl
Ganges has abondoned us
vast plains of paddy now wasteland
Only wish if it is bad dream.
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loud to the core, deep with in the darkness
My heart is heavy, ready to fall apart.
couldn't finsh the things i had started
now killing my moments in agony.
roses and thorns, and the oozing blood
you face vanisihing in the mist
and i could not hold my breathe any longer
and my misery growing even more stronger.
the burning fields and the angels laughing at me
I have lost my god ages ago
those last drops of water has dried long back
i am left with miles to plough.
hills are barren and my fields are thirsty
curses are blowing in the wind
heat of the sun is burning me apart
it was last in my dreams when i saw snow.
Everest has lost its white shawl
Ganges has abondoned us
vast plains of paddy now wasteland
Only wish if it is bad dream.
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May 15, 2008
its 2 am in the morning, not 15th may but 16th may. i deally it should be 16th may but the the day is not end untill i sleep and and if i consider that 16 th may is never going to as my manager's great brain has delivered the shift plan where i am in night shift. I am in no mood to do any work, honestly speaking there is no work today, no backloacks just few followups and that can be done later on, So just thought why not write somthing on the blog, say my dairy on the blog.
After yesterdays night shift I waked up today at around 4 in the after noon, missed the lunch and the noodle named maggie really helped. I am sure every bachelor guy in this country is deep love with her. The went out to finish my long pending job of applying for my passport, but no success in that too, i missed out to carry some important documents with me. So will have to finish the same either on monday or tuesday.
God knows what i have written in this post but, who cares when the space is free.
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After yesterdays night shift I waked up today at around 4 in the after noon, missed the lunch and the noodle named maggie really helped. I am sure every bachelor guy in this country is deep love with her. The went out to finish my long pending job of applying for my passport, but no success in that too, i missed out to carry some important documents with me. So will have to finish the same either on monday or tuesday.
God knows what i have written in this post but, who cares when the space is free.
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lets do it again
hey friend lets go somewhere, lets get lost.
Why don't we run out to the top of that hill
indulge ourselves for the search of that lost water fall who's sound is clear our ears.
see that flying cloud is calling us, asking us to board his vehicle.
pushing us to do that overnite journey again
forcing us to laugh on those silliest jokes on earth.
lets chill ourselves in that morning wind and then borrow that bright blanket of sun from those rays of sunrise.
try to catch those fishes in that unknown lake and throw our tiring body in the calm of that.
drink rain drops by opening or mouth towards the sky.
spend the evening looking at those birds returning nowhere with a smile on face wishing if we get lost like that.
lets write our names in that lonely sea beach
lets spend the evening again sitting together and getting nostalgic.
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Why don't we run out to the top of that hill
indulge ourselves for the search of that lost water fall who's sound is clear our ears.
see that flying cloud is calling us, asking us to board his vehicle.
pushing us to do that overnite journey again
forcing us to laugh on those silliest jokes on earth.
lets chill ourselves in that morning wind and then borrow that bright blanket of sun from those rays of sunrise.
try to catch those fishes in that unknown lake and throw our tiring body in the calm of that.
drink rain drops by opening or mouth towards the sky.
spend the evening looking at those birds returning nowhere with a smile on face wishing if we get lost like that.
lets write our names in that lonely sea beach
lets spend the evening again sitting together and getting nostalgic.
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it was a dream
the night was of full moon and colours all around me.
your fragrance in the blowing wind and you sitting next to me.
hands on the hand and the heart beats even closer then that.
smell of your hairs all thru my mind.
Even the dead moon seemed full of angels as you were close to me.
blowing wind was singing as they were blowing pass those bamboo bushes.
and the little mist all around was like an incense stick burning.
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your fragrance in the blowing wind and you sitting next to me.
hands on the hand and the heart beats even closer then that.
smell of your hairs all thru my mind.
Even the dead moon seemed full of angels as you were close to me.
blowing wind was singing as they were blowing pass those bamboo bushes.
and the little mist all around was like an incense stick burning.
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Few scattered particles
Collected few jasmine and stored them in a bottle
my emotions dying with in me.
Everyone around me except you.
my dream days are fast fading away from me.
My full fay, is an over casted sky
I kept the darkness for me.
Gave you the rain in it.
Asking for one monsoon evening with you.
I am standing on this bank of the river
watching you on the other.
Close but so far away
like that moon on my sky.
Again you are coming to my thoughts
sitting alone in a rainy day.
My heart is wet of those rain drops.
Feeling lonely then ever before.
May be in some pond some where
Few lotus has bloomed today
Making me think of you.
But thats what i have been doing since I met you.
Like those colorful kites on the sky
you are playing in the winds.
ignorant of me
but i am happy looking at your smile.
Few lifeless nights
Endless burning cigarettes
A room full of smoke
And dreams of yours.
standing on an hill top
smoke rising from the forest.
Fading away with the wind.
My life longing for you.
Heard someone singing outside my window.
thought could be you.
But the sky was empty, like ever before.
Only wishing if it could be you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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my emotions dying with in me.
Everyone around me except you.
my dream days are fast fading away from me.
My full fay, is an over casted sky
I kept the darkness for me.
Gave you the rain in it.
Asking for one monsoon evening with you.
I am standing on this bank of the river
watching you on the other.
Close but so far away
like that moon on my sky.
Again you are coming to my thoughts
sitting alone in a rainy day.
My heart is wet of those rain drops.
Feeling lonely then ever before.
May be in some pond some where
Few lotus has bloomed today
Making me think of you.
But thats what i have been doing since I met you.
Like those colorful kites on the sky
you are playing in the winds.
ignorant of me
but i am happy looking at your smile.
Few lifeless nights
Endless burning cigarettes
A room full of smoke
And dreams of yours.
standing on an hill top
smoke rising from the forest.
Fading away with the wind.
My life longing for you.
Heard someone singing outside my window.
thought could be you.
But the sky was empty, like ever before.
Only wishing if it could be you . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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